World Cup 2002: Front pundits Chris Waddle, Zippy & Mark E Smith

Zip priests: Mark E Smith, Zippy and Chris Waddle regularly attended football matches together in the early 2000s

By the time of the Japan/South Korea World Cup, Front was selling 200,000 copies a month and with feature ideas, the sky really was the limit. We asked The Fall’s Mark E Smith, former England fave Chris Waddle and Rainbow stalwart Zippy to be our football pundits and all quickly agreed. I seem to remember interviewing each on loudspeaker so everyone in the office could hear.

I’ve just asked the wife to produce a pic of the three together spectating at a football match – and the result is here, courtesy of ChatGPT… although this is more ChatLSD. Waddle looks nothing like that! Smith is passable. Zippy looks great though! Brazil would win in Tokyo, so Waddle was the closest with his prediction. And who’d have thought it – Zippy a Forest fan. Smith was travelling in a van at the time with the police on his tail… Good, childish, silly times.

Interviews: Lee Gale

CHRIS WADDLE

Who’ll win the World Cup?
France. I think Brazil will come close. They’re coming into good form and looking sharp. They’ve got a good chance, but I think overall, squad-wise, France are a little bit stronger.

Up front for England?
You’ve got to go with Michael Owen because he’s the best goalscorer that we’ve got, and then I would play Teddy Sheringham. You need a goalscorer with pace, which is Owen, and another player who is a link-up. The most successful teams have this. In international football, it’s a must.

What players will shine?
They’ve got a few, Brazil. He’s coming good, Denilson, who plays for Celta Vigo. He plays left wing, but he looks like he’s coming back to what he was four or five year ago. And Ronaldinho, the Brazilian boy who plays for Paris St Germain.

ZIPPY

Who’ll win the World Cup?
Oh, I don’t think there’s any doubt. It’s my team, England. Yes.

Who’s your second team if England get dumped early?
We’re-we’re-we’re not going to get knocked out early, but a second team, I’d go for France, yes, yes. Yes, that’s who.

Have you heard the World Cup record with Ant & Dec?
Yes, yes, I heard a bit of it, I mean, I like it, I like it a lot. George and I should have made the World Cup record. Listen, I’ll sing you a bit. “We’ll win the cup, we’ll zip it up/By George, St George/We’ll beat the lot, with shot after shot/For George, St George/The runs of Michael Owen/Will be just like a poem/The others will get all pesky/When they just can’t stop Heskey/With joy we’ll dance when we play France/By George, St George/That team Brazil will have their fill/Of George, St George/They’ll come loose at the seam/When they play the England team/And the heat will really pour on/Helped along by old Sven-Göran/Yes we’ll win the cup, we’ll zip it up/By George, St George!”

Fantastic. We’ll do a bootleg.
I think that’s better than any of them, yes.

Who would you have up front?
I’d have me up front with George on the wing. Ha-ha-ha, no, no, Michael Owen. And I think Heskey, I think Heskey.

Zippy, who do you support?
Me? I support Forest. I like Brian Clough because he’s a bit bolshy, like me.

What players are you tipping to shine in the World Cup?
Definitely Zinedine Zidane. Cos he’s got good initials, like me with a lot of Zs.

What do your legs look like?
They’re very beautiful, actually. The same colour as the rest of my body, but they’re ever so strong and I can run ever so fast.

Are you going to be getting up at 6.30am to watch the games?
I might be, but it will be ever so difficult for Geoffrey. He doesn’t like getting up that early. He’s an afternoon person.

MARK E SMITH

Who’ll win the World Cup?
Err, I don’t know. Argentina.

How’s England going to do?
Crap, as usual. Quarter-Finals.

Who would you have up front?
Well, I’ve got me own views on soccer. I think you should have a defence that’s out of the bottom of the First Division.

They’re used to defending.
The people who have been relegated from the First Division. And the f***ing goalie. They’ll be used to it, won’t they?

Are you going to be getting up early to watch the games?
Yeh. Well, I stay up late, anyway.

What, till 6.30 in the morning?
Sometimes. I work very hard, me.

Will you have a dawn drink or wait till the evening highlights?
Hah-hah-hah-hah!

Well, the pubs are open at 6.30am, aren’t they?
Apparently, yeh.

Are you still there?
Yeh, yeh… we’ve just been stopped by the police. Hah-hah-hah! I’ll have to talk to you later.